Coulda.Shoulda.Woulda. Do I have regrets about my writing career? You betcha!
Most of those hindsight moments came early on, when I believed I should only be listening to those I’d hired to advise me. One of my first agents (a bad one, which is worse than none at all!) was overly hesitant to make waves, holding me back with safe projects that would continue to fill her pockets instead of enhancing my career. I already had an awesome editor whom I loved to work with, but the agent kept insisting I follow her cautious advice instead of the path my editor and I had already decided upon, and worse, didn’t do what she said she would, purposefully creating tension where none had existed. Long story short, I took her advice (I was paying for it, after all!) instead of going with my gut, and her interference kept me from jumping onto a lucrative path. Instead, I got mired down on a safe road that led nowhere. That missed opportunity still haunts me, making me wonder where I could have gone had I listened to my instincts. But I did learn an important lesson: No one has as much at stake in your career as you do!
That said, I’ll admit, I haven’t always made the wisest choices. But I have no one else to blame for them. I took the risks and accepted the consequences, good or bad, without regrets or blame. And I learned from them. I’m okay with that. Regrets breed bitterness if not addressed, and that is something a career cannot overcome. So, don’t bemoan what you coulda done. Don’t beat yourself up over what you shoulda done. Don’t fixate on what woulda happened if only . . .
There’s only the next step, the next choice, the next path. So make sure it’s the one you want, need, and deserve to be travelling. In this brand-new year, that’s the advice I plan to follow!
Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time.The awesome co-hosts for the March 2nd posting of the IWSG will be Janet Alcorn, Pat Garcia, Natalie Aguirre, and Shannon Lawrence!
Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!
Twitter hashtag is #IWSG
None of us always make the right choices. I agree with you that we shouldn't beat ourselves up over them. We have to learn and go on.
ReplyDeleteA hard lesson to learn - letting go.
DeleteWhen we are new at it, we tend to trust others and end up learning the hard way.
ReplyDeleteThat, I believe, is called the school of hard knocks!
DeleteThat's an excellent philosophy! I wish you happy writing in March.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Taxes first, then WIP!
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteThat's something I'm learning and it feels good to get the confirmation that I am on the right track through your articles. Thank you for sharing.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G @ EverythingMustChange
We get our strength from each other, Pat!!
DeleteAarrgh! As you said, you paid for her advice. What awful advice. Easy to see why it's haunted you. Hard to let go. But you need to move on. Good luck, kiddo.
ReplyDeleteOh, I've moved to an entirely new zip code!!
DeleteGetting strong Anna vibes from Frozen II in this post. Just do the next right thing! Rather than getting mired in the past, take the next step forward. I love the hopefulness inherent in this advice!
ReplyDeleteSometimes hope is all you have to hang onto so it's best to learn how to tie a good strong knot . . . and that's what IWSG is.
DeleteWhen one is young and just starting in her career - any career, not just writing - of course one listens to a 'wise counsel'. We think everyone is wiser than we are. As we grow in experience, we realize it is not always true. The trick is to learn from our mistakes, not to bemoan our past bad choices.
ReplyDeleteI think you learned. You chucked that bad agent away as a lesson and moved on. The way I see it, you did good.
What doesn't kill (your career) makes you stronger. I learned to depend upon my own knowledge and instincts. Good-if hard-lesson.
DeleteI love your wise words!
ReplyDeleteHard earned wisdom is the most reliable kind!!
DeleteEven in our non-writing lives, there are those moments where we wonder, what if... I'm always reminded of the wise person who said our car windshields are so much bigger than our rearview mirrors so that we'll focus on what's in front of us rather than where we've been & what's behind us. You're a terrific writer and where many have been and are jealous of your success. You go, girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteOh, I LOVE the saying!!
DeleteWonderful advice--and what I need to hear right now. Thank you! And I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with an agent. It seems like a lot of folks in the biz are more comfortable with the safe and formulaic.
ReplyDeleteIt's never a reall bad experience if you learn from it. Oh, I learned!
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