Coulda.Shoulda.Woulda. Do I have regrets about my writing career? You betcha!
Most of those hindsight moments came early on, when I believed I should be listening to those I’d hired to advise me. One of my first agents (a bad one, which is worse than none at all!) was overly hesitant to make waves, holding me back with safe projects that would continue to fill her pockets instead of enhancing my career. I already had an awesome editor whom I loved to work with, but the agent kept insisting I follow her cautious advice instead of the path my editor and I had already decided upon, and worse didn’t do what she said she would, purposefully creating tension where none had existed. Long story short, I took her advice (I was paying for it, after all!) instead of going with my gut, and her interference kept me from jumping on a lucrative path. Instead, I got mired down on a safe road that led nowhere. That missed opportunity still haunts me, making me wonder where I could have gone had I listened to my instincts. But I did learn an important lesson: No one has as much at stake in your career as you do!
That said, I’ll admit, I haven’t always made the wisest choices. But I have no one to blame for them. I took the risks and accepted the consequences, good or bad, without regrets or blame. And I learned from them. I’m okay with that. Regrets breed bitterness if not addressed, and that is something a career cannot overcome. So, don’t bemoan what you coulda done. Don’t beat yourself up over what you shoulda done. Don’t fixate on what woulda happened if only . . .
There’s only the next step, the next choice, the next path. So make sure it’s the one you want, need, and deserve to be travelling. In this brand-new year, that’s the advice I plan to follow!
Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time.The awesome co-hosts for the December 1st posting of the IWSG will be PJ Colando, Diane Burton, Louise – Fundy Blue, Natalie Aguirre, and Jacqui Murray!
Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!
Twitter hashtag is #IWSG
Sorry that your agent led you down the wrong path. I love your advice that there's only the next step, the next choice, the next path.
ReplyDeleteThis was back before writers had a wealth of information at hand on the Internet. We had word of mouth and the trickle down had to wait for major conferences. Things are SO different now!
DeleteBummer you had a crappy agent. But you still found a successful path and that's what matters.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you don't know how things will play out when you jump on board. My agent was getting ready to retire wasn't eager to be proactive. The grind is she still gets a percentage from the books she repped for me . . . even after I got the rights back from the publisher!
DeleteOh, that's so sad that you didn't follow your gut instinct. Of course, when we're young, we don't always understand how right that little voice is. Sad, too, how that agent actually was taking advantage of you! It's amazing how many missed opportunities are recognized as such in hind sight. :( I love, though, how you've gutted your way through the years, having more than 75 books to your name. That's what success really looks like! Being able to produce despite all the the roadblocks. Well done, Nancy.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Diana! Hindsight is always easier than foresight.
DeleteI hear ya on agents. The wrong one can certainly put a kink in things.
ReplyDeleteI love your positive attitude. Bitterness doesn't help us at all does it?
Wishing you a happy-writing new year.
Oh, I give myself a week of full blown indignation and bitterness, then it's move on or stay mired in regret. Forward ho!
DeleteI've never worked with an agent, and probably never will. I'm not saying they're untrustworthy, but everyone has their own agendas, and it's too hard to separate the good advice from the bad.
ReplyDeleteHappy 2022!
Over the years I've had four very different agents, some good, some awful. But I decided if I made my own decisions, I had no one else to blame if I didn't do my own homework. Today, we have so many group and blogs all we need to know is right there. Deciding which advice to take is on us.
DeleteWe gotta keep moving in our lives. Regrets should be fleeting thoughts that pass rather quickly and not life deciding bogs for us to wallow in.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your outcome has been good. Congratulations on that.
Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out
Exactly! Sometimes we need a good wallow but when it's time to pull ourselves out, we have to know when to move on. That's on us.
DeleteReally, my only regret is the time I've wasted on regrets, Take the experience, learn the lesson, then move on. I'm with you on making my own choices and accepting the consequences, good or bad. Then we adjust the path, accordingly. You seem to have that philosophy well in hand!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Exactly. Some lessons are harder to live with than others but better to have only ourselves to blame for the bad AND the good!
DeleteGreat post! You're right, it doesn't matter what you would've or should've or might've. What matters is what you did and what you'll do next.
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DeleteThanks, Olga! Taking responsibility is one of the hardest things to learn for a writer.
A bad agent can definitely be worse than no agent. Glad you overcame that agent and the roadblocks they put in your way.
ReplyDeleteThe Warrior Muse
Thanks, Shannon. Hindsight is a valuable resource!
DeleteI'm with on not looking back. Keep moving forward. Learn from our mistakes, but don't let them weight us down.
ReplyDeleteWe have enough to carry already! Thanks, Rebecca!
DeleteFirst, I agree with you about a bad agent is worse than no agent. Been there, though mine wasn't as bad as yours since she never sold anything for me. Totally agree that the choices are ours. Thank goodness for the internet and the wealth of info available. We all have regrets. How we deal with those says a lot about our character.
ReplyDeleteA regret shouldn't be a stone we wear around our neck but rather a reminder not to jump in without checking water depth.
DeleteThat sounds like a nightmare with your old agent. I'm sorry that happened. Your advice not to fixate on what woulda happened and what we shoulda done is a great one, although sometimes tough not to do. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteSometimes harder than others. We poor writers are creatures of doubt and depression and need to recognize triggers for them. Coulda Woulda Shoulda is a big red flag.
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